


A Decent Pen

by Maryguana



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Could be triggering, F/F, Help, M/M, My First Fanfic, Self-Projecting, Suicide Attempt, Tell me if I accidentally take someone else’s idea, Treebros, a bit angsty, galaxy girls, wrote this instead of sleeping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-12 07:10:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13542309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maryguana/pseuds/Maryguana
Summary: Almost every one is born with a soulmate tattoo. It represents your soulmate and the tattoo is black until the first time you touch your soulmate, and then it adds color.(Aka, my spin of the tree bros soulmate AU.)





	1. Falling? in a forest

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to do my own variation of the Soulmate AU, but I’ll probably be self projecting quite a bit.

It was spontaneous. He didn’t mean for it to happen, but given his general personality, it was going to happen sooner or later. 

No, ‘falling’ out of the tree was not an accident, but, but what? What did he have to say to himself? ‘Oh, I would never kill myself, that was just an unusual occurrence,’ ‘Oh, sure I want to die, but I’d never do anything,’ cause he did. The fact is he tried to kill himself. And Failed. That too. He can’t even kill himself right.

I mean if he over analyzed it, he couldn’t come up with a plan, cause he’s a smart kid. His mom already has to deal with her faded tattoo, he wouldn’t want his soulmate to deal with that. But then again, his soulmate wouldn’t want a fuck up like him. And that is how the debate would go until he had a panic attack and/or slightly cried himself to sleep.

Just a series full of the pros and cons of being Not Alive and being Not Dead. Just cutting a little and taking a couple extra pills every now and the to stave off the wishing Hunger to just cut Everything and swallow All the pills.

That was the life of Evan Hansen, a nervous wreck who wanted to die but normally tried to repress Most of it.


	2. Giving a Fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn’t an accident, but he wishes it didn’t happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yee

It was spontaneous. He didn’t mean for it to happen, but given his general personality, it was going to happen sooner or later. 

But he just had to shove Evan Hansen. The Evan Hansen. The only kid who might have a worse social standpoint than him. He was scared of everything and for fuck’s sake, he even had a broken arm. 

But. In Connor’s defense, Evan was Laughing at him. Evan, who was (like previous mentioned) the only one possibly below him on the ladder of popularity, was Laughing at him. Or was he? Thinking about it now, it could have been a cough or even a weird panicked breath.

Fuck.

He just shoved the kid who’s been the nicest out of all of them. The one kid who was just as lonely. The one kid who never insulted him or whispered about him or looked at him with disgust. And he shoved him. FUCK. 

Well now I guess I need to apologize to the one kid who’s probably the Most Scared Of Me.


	3. Confuzzled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confuzzling occurs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied. I end up writing short chapters I guess. BUT, I will update somewhat frequently.

After The Shove, Zoe came up to Evan. “Hey, you all right?” Evan nodded vigorously with a nervous enthusiasm. “I’m sorry about my brother, he can be a jerk.” She lifted a hand to Evan to help him up, and after wiping his hand, he accepted. 

“I’m Zoe, it’s Evan, right?” “I know, my name’s Evan. Sorry. I’ve s-seen you play in j-jazz band. I like jazz, b-but not all-all jazz, just Jazz Band Jazz, that’s weird, sorry.” “What are you sorry about? My brother’s the one who pushed you.” “I just- I- You said my n-name, and then I- I said my name a-again and it’s just S-So annoying when p-people do that, s-sorry.” “You apologize a lot.” “S-Sorry.” 

“Oh hey, congrats.” Evan just stares at here like a ghost or something and can just muster up a “Wh-What?” She looks at him with her head turned and the grin fading a just a little bit. Your tattoo, I can see the edge of it just below your sleeve, and I thought it was black earlier. 

His Tattoo. The extremely detailed drawing of a pen. He could see the end of the tattoo, and it was in fact, no longer black, it was a rich navy blue instead. He pulled up his sleeve in surprise and stared for a little bit. Then he noticed that Zoe was staring too.

“That- I think I’ve seen that pen before.”


	4. Two Trees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor interacts with two separate trees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what I’m doing.

Evan’s thoughts rushed through his head like flipping through a book so fast all you can see is a word or two. 

‘My soulmate is here. They’re here. Not in some far off county but HERE.’ ‘Who did I touch today?!? I hugged my mom (definitely not my soulmate), accidentally bumped into Jared but we’ve done that before and his T-Rex tattoo has always been black and I don’t really like dinosaurs that much, Connor shoved me but I highly doubt he’d get stuck with a mess like me when he probably needs a stable person, an emotional anchor, to get by, annd... Zoe.’ ‘My God, It’s Zoe. She helped me up. Zoe, the girl I’ve crushing on for years, the girl with the tornado tattoo that seemed to represent my anxiety, IS my Soulmate.’ ‘Zoe, the girl who’s tattoo turned a grayish brown for Alana Beck (the storm of productivity who feels like everything is rushing by too fast) a month ago, the girl who already found her soulmate.’ ‘I have no one.’

“Evan? Evan!” Zoe was finally able to snap him out of his self-induced trance, but his was still in a bit a of a Heart Broken Daze. “W-What?” was all he could stutter out.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, you alright there?” What he saw was much worse than a ghost. “Y-Yeah.” “You do know who your soulmate is? I’ll help you find them if you don’t.” “I think I- I know who it is.” The girl standing in front of him with kindness shining in her eyes. “Ok, well good luck. And Damn it! I CAN’T for god’s sake remember where I’ve seen that pen. I’ll tell you, if I remember later.” Okay, b- bye.” “See you around.”

And then she left as if nothing ever happened. But something Did.

———————————————————

Connor needed a break from reality, and since skipping class was normal for him, that’s exactly what he did.

He wasn’t too obvious about where he was going. I mean it didn’t matter in the long run if he got caught, but he didn’t feel like being lectured right now. So he kept his head down, and turned right back around after seeing a teacher in a hallway, and went to an exit a little farther back. 

Finally, he was Free from this Shit Hole.

It didn’t take Connor but five minutes to get to the park he was looking for. It was empty, cause what else would it be on the middle of the first day of school. Well, it wasn’t exactly empty, a middle aged woman was walking away with her dog and a small flock of birds was pecking at a spilled bag of cheese-its. So he just grabbed his sketchbook and trusty pen out of his backpack and his ziplock bag o’ weed out of the mildly-hard-to-get-to hole in an out of the way tree and started to head over to his favorite worn down bench.

He sat down and propped on of his legs on the other one. His jean leg got pulled down a little bit by this, and it freaked him the fuck out. There was a bit of a chocolate brown on his inner left leg. When the FUCK did that get there? He yanked up the leg of his jean, (He actually might have given himself a rugburn from the denim but that’s not the point.) and it took a second for him to register the consequences.

Fuck.

He always thought the Soulmate Thing was bullshit so he made sure to not touch anyone. And the ONLY person he’d touched today is EVAN FUCKING HANSEN. The nicest kid in school, the kid he shoved today, was also the kid who lit up his skin with a dark brown trunk and shiny emerald leaves. 

Now he REALLY needed to apologize.

So he got up with a sigh, put up his weed, sketch book and his favorite pen (the one Zoe got him for his 13th birthday that he’s already had to buy several more ink cartridges for) and started trudging along back to school.


	5. Everything goes to shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angry peanuts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry I haven’t worked on this in a while. But hey, happy valentine’s day and embrace memes. &)

Evan settled down in the computer lab for “Lunch”, but if the period was named based on what Evan did during it, it would be called “An Hour of Avoiding People”. And he started to work on his letter.

“Dear Evan Hansen,  
Today is going to be good day because... Actually why should it be a good day, a good weak, or even a good year. 

I know.

Because of Zoe, all my hope is pinned on Zoe, who I don’t even know. And I’m about 98% sure she’s my Soulmate even though she already found hers, I think I’m just a one sided anomaly. There’s about a 2% chance that Connor’s my soulmate but he needs someone better than me.

I wish I was a part of something, I wished anything I said mattered to anyone.  
Face it. Would anyone notice if I just disappeared?”

He hit print, and started logging out.

——Pov Switch?————————————

Connor took a moment to gather up his courage, before bursting through the door and thrusting himself into the situation before he could decide to back out.

Right after he barged in the room, he saw Evan’s eyes widen a little as he flinched. Connor couldn’t blame him but that doesn’t mean it didn’t sting.

“So.... How’d you break your arm?”

Evan looked back at him with a little confusion on his face before stuttering out, “I f-fell out of a tree”, except he accidentally raised his voice at the end so it sounded like a question.

“Well, that’s the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.” “Y-Yeah.” “Hey, no one’s signed your cast yet, do you my mind if I do?” 

Evan looked up with him and even Connor could see the bit of hope shining in his eyes. “Su-Sure.” Evan fished around in his pocket for the sharpie his mom convinced him to bring and handed it to Connor. 

He grabbed his arm a little too roughly earning a short “ow” from Evan, and (more carefully this time) wrote his name in a large scrawl covering the cast.

“There, now we can both pretend we have friends.”

Evan whispered a “Th-Thanks.” under his breath that not all people would have heard, but Connor did and the sincere sound of it touched his punk heart a little bit, even if he would forever refuse to admit that a tone of a word could tear down his walls.

Connor’s eyes glanced around and saw a paper on the printer, which he swooped up. (That is to say that he swooped up the paper, not the printer, as doing so would revive unpleasant childhood memories, look quite strange to Evan and would be generally inconvenient. So no, he did not pick up the printer.) He half-heartedly started skimming the paper and immediately saw Evan’s name.

“Hey, is this yours?”

Evan looked like he was going to die of panic, (which wasn’t uncharacteristic but still, what was so bad about this paper?) and started sputtering out a “Yeah, it- it’s for a proj- assignment.”

Connor saw Evan reaching out for the paper, but he decided to look at the paper one more time and his eyes caught two words.

“Zoe” and “Soulmate”.

“What the fUCK Hansen?” He was fuming, bursting at the seems with anger. (Or at least that’s what the two boys would say about Connor as that’s what Evan saw and Connor wouldn’t admit that he felt like the ground dropped out from under him and left him broken and alone.) 

“Why the FUCK is my sister in this!?”

At this point, Evan looked close to tears and was an apologetic, stuttering mess spewing out incomprensible half-sentences and sorrys. 

“I know, you WANTED me to freak out, so you can tell the whole school about how much of a FREAK Connor Murphy is!” “N-No, I did-didn’t, I j-j-just, I-, Sorry, I-“

Connor just looked at Evan with a mixture of anger and disgust before storming out of the room.


End file.
